101 Uses for a Paper Clip

A friend of mine was challenged by a professor to provide 101 uses for the common paper clip. She passed the request on to an email list we share and some of us contributed to what she'd begun. Help from another list was solicited and we accumulated over 125 distinct uses. If you have more that you'd like me to add, please email me.

Note that many of these were submitted by Lutheran clergy and active church-goers, so there are some that are a bit "inside".

1. hem holder
2. cigar filter unstopper
3. spray bottle unclogger
4. eye glass repair
5. hair barrette
6. zipper tab
7. clean fingernails
8. Xmas ornament holder
9. unclog Elmer's glue bottle
10. calendar holder
11. belt holder
12. emergency cotter pin
13. emergency diaper pin (boy! do I date myself there!)
14. unclog baby bottle nipples (man! I was sure careful to put all the modifiers in there)
15. strawberry huller
16. cherry pit remover
17. hymn marker (for organists)
18. a substitute for the thingy that holds the scotch tape in a tape dispenser
19. substitute for a twist-tie to close a plastic bag
20. poke snoozing parishioners
21. clean the little roller thingies in your mouse
22. a pastor's helper to assist in making sure he turns the right number of pages in the altar book while conducting the Communion liturgy
23. substitute toothpick and/or hard floss
24. clean the shaft on your mechanical pencil
25. toenail cleaner
26. emergency Tie Tack (large ones only)
27. inexpensive ear (or body?)-piercing tool
28. inexpensive ear (or nose?)ring
29. when combined with a rubber band, can be used to earn a three-day vacation" from eighth grade
30. sparkly and useful alternative to throwing rice at weddings
31. Lilliputian water divining rod
32. holding dangles on a pierced ear
33. cone incense holder/stand
34. reset a Palm Pilot or Handspring Visor
35. eject a powered-off LS-120 drive
36. eject a powered-off Zip drive
37. eject a powered-off CD-ROM, CD-R, CD-RW, or DVD drive
38. actor for Micro$oft Office "help" system
39. snow shoes for mice, birds, and other small creatures
40. booger hunting device
41. arrange clips to spell "TIP?" and leave in lieu of cash when service stinks in a restaurant
42. similarly, spell "happy birthday" on a cake for the office workaholic
43. clip all these suggestions together, wrap, and send as a gifts to your cheap, I mean frugal, friends and relations
44. emergency corkscrew
45. pubic hair for Bionic Woman
46. splint for minor injuries of fingers & toes
47. makeshift antenna for small electronics
48. miniature slingshot
49. miniature catapult
50. when a fellow smashes his thumb in a range gate, and the blood begins pressuring under the thumbnail, the doctor takes a paper clip, straightens it, heats its tip up good and proper at a bunson burner, and plunges the thing through the thumbnail to make a hole to relieve the pressure.
51. construction of drinking straw buildings (slide clip in end and link together)
52. nose weight for paper airplanes
53. central weight (several together) for a Come-back-can powered by rubber bands
54. substitute playing pieces for game (bend small part up to grasp)
55. card holder when strung along string or wire
56. necklace/bracelet (children love stringing them)
57. emergency key chain
58. emergency key to bathroom knobs (the ones that have the hole in the middle to slip a long skinny thing in and pop them open)
59. quick find tabs for favorite recipes
60. hold papers together (too obvious?)
61. book mark
62. pry bar
63. lottery ticket scratcher
64. pipe cleaner
65. necklace clasp
66. chain link
67. fuse replacement
68. punch a pilot hole
69. clean the head on an acetylene torch
70. Pirate" earring (old haunted house trick)
71. hold the collar of your clerical together beneath the tab
72. hold up the exhaust system under the car
73. lock the door to the bird cage, hamster cage, etc.
74. let the air out of your tire when you over-fill it
75. let the air out of someone else's tires when he parks across multiple spaces
76. emergency fish hook
77. hold temple to glasses when screw is lost
78. grind one end to point; use for home tattooing
79. desk-top sculpture kit for when your computer solitaire game is down
80. castration rings for small animals
81. construct see-through dress for next year's Oscars®
82. clean narrow grout
83. wrap with copper wire, connect to battery, and use to hold papers on refrigerator
84. put a couple hands-full in your pockets and have fun with the airport metal detectors
85. pop zits
86. rub some on a bar magnet, then set on hostile co-worker's desk near floppy disks and hope for the best (or worst)
87. connect three straight chains to a chain loop and make a hanger for flower pots
88. branding irons for miniature cattle
89. fashion a summer-weight chastity belt
90. cut in short lengths and use as spikes in your model railroading
91. hold the cavity closed while baking your Thanksgiving turkey
92. bend open and use as fangs to attract the attention of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
93. straighten and use as ramrod in very small bore muzzle-loading weapon
94. decorate the office Christmas tree
95. take a box in the forest and drop them every so often so you can find your way home from the Gingerbread House
96. take a box to the beach and scatter about to drive the guy with the metal detector nuts
97. use to punch holes in cheap white cheese you're bringing to a snooty party
98. drop a couple dozen in an empty soda can and shake it to cheer the home team
99. stretch chains across a fire to construct a barbecue grill
100. stick in the door lock and break off to get some peace in the bathroom
101. make a crude tuning fork for your already out-of-pitch barbershop quartet

As I said, my friend needed only 101 uses, but ended up with quite a few extra. This section will grow with your imagination (or mine).

102. construct a playground for ants
103. skewers for very tiny shish-ke-bobs
104. with tissue paper, construct a teeny-tiny kazoo
105. use as frame in constructing life-size papier machè statue of Martha Stewart
106. bend in a "U", carefully insert bare ends in an electrical outlet at the office early on a Friday afternoon in hopes that departmental blackout will result in an early weekend
107. craft a veil for the bride who left it at her mother's house and realized it ten minutes before the wedding was to begin
108. fashion emergency wedding rings to replace those lost by the drunken best man
109. use chains to connect tin cans to the newlyweds' car
110. use to hang bells from the newlyweds' bed
111. make tongs to remove veggies you don't like from the soup
112. tool to flick crumbs out of keyboard
113. clean gunk from rings
114. money clip
115. separate eyelashes
116. make paint dots
117. decorating sugar cookies
118. unclog the salt shaker/parmesian shaker holes
119. picture hanger
120. wire tightener
121. clean tiny holes anywhere
122. stiffen wicks (oil candles)
123. clean pencil sharpeners
124. reset electronic devices
125. badge holder (clip to collar or button)
126. hold tea bags in pitcher when making iced tea
127. candy thermometer holder
128. roach (hand-rolled) holder
129. roach (six-legged) stabber
130. bend into heart shape and give to your Valentine
131. chad puncher for Florida presidential ballots
132. use as a launching pad for match rockets
133. mix up the food scum in the sink drain so water can empty out
134. bend it into a "jumping paper clip", a fun toy for young'ns
135. apply touch-up paint to a car
136. sabotage your friend's drink in a Styrofoam cup (remember: hot drinks have more impact than do cold)
137. put tissue on end, use to clean cassette tape heads
138. temporarily fix a bra strap
139. miniature clothes hanger for a doll's house
140. blackpowder musket nipple cleaner
141. etching tool
142. blowgun dart
143. chainmail for suit of armor
144. lightning rod for elves
145. lock picking tool