Issues of Life and Love by Pastor Walter Snyder Q: I am a practicing Christian, living on my own with a small child since my husband left us. I met another man, a very good Christian man. He wishes to marry me. I'd love to marry him except for one issue. He has a serious health condition which will one day render him an invalid. Ultimately he will die from his disease. My own Pastor knows both of us really well, hence the reason I am writing to you, as you may be able to be more objective. It is devastating for me to turn Him down. I love him dearly. However I do not believe that I would be doing the right thing for my child by marrying him. My child needs all the love and security he can get. I feel it would be wrong to subject my son to any more pain and suffering, which would certainly be the case as this man's health gradually fades. I really need to know what the Bible says on this issue. I have not been able to find any Scripture directly relating to the issue of marriage to a sick person, and I therefore to write to ask if you can perhaps direct me to a relevant passage. I so much hope you can help me with this. Warmest love and blessings. A: There is no all-or-nothing answer from Scripture. We do know that "love"---especially God's divine love---"covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8). You worry about the "pain and suffering" your son ~might~ know. Would offset the loving relationship he would ~certainly~ be a part of for at least a time? Does seeing his new father struggle with sickness outweigh seeing Christian spouses living together, sharing each other's burdens, and loving until death parts them? If you meet no one else, your son would have no first hand experience with a committed, caring Christian family. And if you marry someone mainly for your son's sake, how will it burden you? Also, what guilt will he feel if he eventually finds out? I won't say, "You must marry the man." However, I don't think that you've built a strong enough case to not do so. Take what I've said to your pastor (and maybe also to this man) and examine your thoughts and your fears more carefully. And if fear is the main thing separating you, give that burden to the Lord. Remember this: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 Jn 4:18)" May God's perfect love perfect your love that you do the right thing for the right reasons. Q: What does God say about egg donation? I have been studying up on it and I feel that it is a truly compassionate act, has it ever been addressed in the Bible? A: Such things as egg donation were unknown in Bible times. Advances in medical technology have forced Christians to examine the whole of Scripture to find adequate answers to new questions. Beginning with the premise that abortion is wrong and creating embryos which are later destroyed a form of abortion, we immediately hit a snag with egg donation. Most times, more eggs are fertilized than are used; what happens to the rest of these little lives. Also, while fertility is a gift of God, infertility isn't necessarily a curse. Through it, God can direct childless couples toward the adoption or foster care of children needing loving homes. Contact National Right to Life (nrlc.org), Lutherans for Life (lutheransforlife.org), or the Cranach Institute (cranach.org) to further help you with the ethics of your question. The Lutheran Church- --Missouri Synod has a doctrinal statement which rejects both artificial insemination and use of donated eggs. Your Lutheran pastor may have ~Christians and Procreative Choices~; on the web, http://www.lcms.org/graphics/assets/media/CTCR/choices.pdf is the complete text. Also, http://www.lcms.org/graphics/assets/media/CTCR/45061CloningCTCRfinal.pdf, ~What Child Is This?~, deals with many of the issues and reminds us to look to the ~unifying~ aspects of marriage that the intrusion of donor eggs or sperm can upset. Consider also the next generation problems. The following question shows a pitfall of adopted children meeting and falling in love. Donor sperm and eggs would multiply the difficulties many times over. Q: I was adopted out as an infant, and at the age of 36, I have recently been reunited with my birth family. One of my biological brothers and I have fallen in love. I cannot find anything in the Bible that speaks of sibling relationships. Yes, I can see where this would not genetically be acceptable (although I am not able to have children anymore); however, I desperately need to know if this is morally wrong. I don't even know if sibling marriages are legal, but I am more concerned with what the Bible says about this. Your response would be greatly appreciated! A: Scripture condemns incest. Examples include Lev 18:6ff, 20:17, Ez 22:11, and 1 Cor 5 (here, the incest is between mother-in-law and son-in-law). The time following Eden through the Flood and immediately following apparently knew no such prohibition. When the entire population is immediate family, you must marry and bear children with immediate family. But God later strictly forbids it. He doesn't explain His reasoning. Some may be, as you note, for medical or scientific reasons, since the chance of passing on genetic defects greatly increases. However, it may also be that such relationships are harmful to the overall structure of the family. Our parents and siblings should provide refuge and relief from the pressures of our own sexuality. The emotional and spiritual discomfort of such relationships damages family and church. The situation Paul condemned in 1 Cor 5 may have led to the unrecorded harsh letter he speaks of in 2 Cor 1 and 2. I suggest that you and your brother sit down with one of your own pastors or another whom you trust to work through this in more detail. Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from ~The Holy Bible, English Standard Version~, © 2001 by Crossway Bibles. Ask the Pastor, © 2004 by Walter P. Snyder. It may be reproduced in totality, including this disclaimer, by anyone, provided that no profit is generated by said republication and redistribution. Translations into other languages should similarly note the United States and any appropriate international copyrights, as well as God's Scriptural injunctions concerning the property of others.