How Far Is Too Far? by Pastor Walter Snyder Two young people from different parts of the world come this week with similar questions. Q: I am a 16-year-old male with a large problem on his hands. I know this may not sound important to you because you have many other more important things on your hands but a quick response would be appreciated. I was brought up in a home where, when I was younger my dad was a Baptist pastor, but now is a principal of a Christian school in Australia. So I have been brought up a good child but I'm going out with a girl and want to know what the Bible has to say on how far I can go with her (if you know what I mean). I will never have sex before marriage, but how far is too far? Q: Is kissing a sin? I've heard it is not from friends as long as it doesn't "get into the pants," as they say. What is your response? A: These questions are both important. And whether a boy or a girl asked either, they both need good, honest answers. Since the second question leads into the first, let's start with kissing and go from there. If you want to know the sum total of what the Bible says about kissing, you'd be hard pressed to find an instance of a man kissing a woman. Most accounts specify that it is one man kissing another as a sign of friendship or peace. While some don't specify, they, too, were likely same-sex instances. Kissing between a man and a woman wasn't something that people did in the open; it was part of their private lives. Kissing, like many other activities, is innocent in and of itself. But like a mild drug that can lead to something stronger, kissing may lead to going steady, to sex, or even to marriage! Actually, marriage is where God intended all such activity to either lead to or flow from. As singles, Christians should ask, as we are encouraged in so many things, "Is this a good thing? Is this a right thing? Is this the best thing to do?" Scripture doesn't give a measuring stick that you can use on your girlfriend or boyfriend. You can't turn to a chapter of the Bible that says, "Thou shalt not kiss except upon the lips, neither shalt thy hands grasp flesh normally covered by clothing." When you ask what is too far, you're trying to get as close to sin as possible without actually falling into it. In so doing, it may be that you are already sinning. Are you "putting the Lord your God to the test"? As a father, one thing I encourage young people to do is put themselves in the parents' place. If you were her daddy and you found out what Boy X did with or to your daughter, would you be terribly upset or overjoyed at his behavior? If you were his mom, does the clothing and attitude of Girl Y set off alarms or remind you of other trustworthy, self-controlled people? If you're sitting up at night, waiting for the kids to return home, would you be worried about Couple Z? Seeing yourself through others' eyes, especially moral, decent, Christian eyes sometimes gives you a new perspective. "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour," says 1 Peter 5:8. This doesn't mean don't have fun. It means be responsible and act responsibly. It means think before you act and act the way you'd expect other good, decent people to act. Unless you are blessed with the privacy and privilege of the marriage bed, what happens in private shouldn't be much different from what happens in public. The presence or absence of parents, bright lights, or a warm, cuddly body shouldn't make any difference. Satan not only uses sexual sin to trip up and entrap unwary believers. He also uses guilt, doubt, and worry over what we've done. When you act like the lights are on and all eyes are on you even when the lights are off and only the two of you are around, you are walking as a child of the light. Furthermore, in order to protect yourself and the one you love, you'll do all you can to avoid tempting circumstances. Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from ~The Holy Bible, English Standard Version~, © 2001 by Crossway Bibles. Ask the Pastor, © 2002 by Walter P. Snyder. It may be reproduced in totality, including this disclaimer, by anyone, provided that no profit is generated by said republication and redistribution. Translations into other languages should similarly note the United States and any appropriate international copyrights, as well as God's Scriptural injunctions oncerning the property of others. Walter Snyder is the pastor of Holy Cross Lutheran Church, Emma, Missouri and coauthor of the book "What Do Lutherans Believe."