Help with Prayer. Dead Churches. Living with Mother-in-law.
by the Rev. Walter Snyder

Q: I have a very hard time praying verbally (and even in my head). Is it still praying if I
write it out? I do so much better writing. Out loud, I usually get tongue-tied and can't
think of what to say. Writing gives me so much more. Is this okay or is there something I
am missing by not praying out loud or in my head?

A: If writing out your prayers helps you express your thoughts, then by all means write them. You
might also use the existing prayers of the Church, such as are included in hymnals, liturgies,
prayer books, and also the Small Catechism of Martin Luther. Yet just writing sometimes leads
our thoughts toward ourselves or toward the work we are creating and we forget to completely
direct them to God who hears and answers for Christ's sake. Thus, even if you have difficulty in
verbalizing, speaking a prayer helps remove it from our own possession and into the "ears" of
God. Silent or "mental" prayer is difficult except for the most focused individual. If not
verbalized, our thoughts tend to wander and roam, often far afield from true prayer. Even a
hesitant, stammering oral prayer, and especially one from a fixed text, has purpose and focus. 

Q: Is there such a thing as a dead Church?

A: It seems an oxymoron, but it is possible. This doesn't mean that the whole Christian Church
could die---for Christ says that the gates of hell cannot prevail against her. However,
congregations can "die." They may have the outward trappings of Christianity, but their hearts are
not turned toward God and they neither trust in Christ nor look to Him for aid. In the letters to
the seven churches in Revelation, Jesus summarizes much of what would continue in the Church
throughout time. Among these congregations, Sardis is singled out (3:1--2) by the Lord: "I know
your works; you have the name of being alive, and you are dead. Awake, and strengthen what
remains and is on the point of death." As a group, He saw them as dead, yet among some few
individuals, at least a flicker of life remained.

This "death" happens as churches and Christians abandon the Gospel of the forgiveness of sins in
favor of human philosophies, forsake Scripture for manmade schemes, and otherwise deny, add
to, or subtract from the pure Word of God.

Q: Do you think it is wise for a newly married couple to live with the bride's mother (she's
single), either in the same house or in a duplex or two-family house?

A: This depends on the relationship the husband and wife have and how they get along with her
mother. My wife and I married while I was still in seminary and she had her own apartment. After
my year of internship, I returned for my last year of school and we lived in the house with her
widowed mother. There were certain pressures and problems, but we got through it.

It would be easier to have separate doors and locks, as in a duplex or multi-family housing. Yet if
you fear that her mom will attempt to intrude on your marriage, you should find out who owns
the property or pays the lease. If she is your landlady, she may be tempted to use that in order to
partially control your life. If you fear that this is a possibility---even if you two think that you
could overcome it---do you want to allow this temptation into your mother-in-law's heart and
hands?

There are cultures around the world where newlyweds move in with or next door to one of the in-
laws. Yet these people usually have defined roles and are prepared ahead of time to defuse
conflict. If this isn't the case with you, then I'd suggest finding other ways to put a roof over your
heads or delay the marriage until you can afford your own shelter.

To Ask the Pastor, please write Ask the Pastor, PO Box 12, Emma, MO, 65327 or send email
to askthepastor@aol.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Walter Snyder is the pastor of Holy Cross Lutheran Church, Emma, Missouri and coauthor of
the book "What Do Lutherans Believe."

Ask the Pastor is copyright 2001 by Walter P. Snyder. It may be reproduced  in totality,
including this disclaimer, by anyone, provided that no profit is generated by said
republication and redistribution. Translations into other languages should similarly note
the United States and any appropriate international copyrights, as well as God's Scriptural
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