<> Ask the Pastor The Rev. Walter Snyder Q: Does the Bible tell general age differences of those who married? Based on the Bible and your feelings as directed by God, what is your opinion as to the general maximum age difference between a man and woman contemplating marriage? Does the Bible mention a need for a certain age difference or is this a manmade rule? A: When I get a question like this, I usually inquire, "Why are you asking?" So I ask you: What are your reasons for wanting to know? Are you generally curious? Do you have questions about marriage relationships in general? Or does this involve a relationship you or someone close to you is in? You can use the Bible to "prove" many things, if you follow the history. Some couples married early, others waited. Adam and Eve were brand new when they married. They were also the same age. Jacob was no kid when he set out to marry Rachel. Then waited through seven years of work for Laban. When that was done, Laban tricked him into marrying Leah first. Thus, here and elsewhere, you could use Bible history to get an okay for polygamy. In general---in the Bible and elsewhere---laws, customs, and parents are the strongest determinants. Many marriages were arranged for very young children; sometimes spouses met on their wedding day. A man had to be able to support his family before he could marry, so men were often older than the women. The women many times married early and died at a fairly young age. Few ages are given except for notable genealogies, for heroes of the faith, and for royalty. Of those whose ages are both given, Abraham and Sarah are probably the best-known. He was about 100 years old; she was ninety. We can't determine their ages when wed, and it would be foolish to say that other ninety-year-old women will have children just because she did. Instead of history, look at how the Bible talks about the marriage relationship. Belief, cooperation, mutual support, and raising children are parts of wedded life. When people are far apart in age, they often have so many differences that no amount of romantic love can overcome all the differences. Differences crop up no matter how much couples agree before the wedding. This doesn't mean that people whose ages are far apart cannot remain happily married. However, it is much more difficult. Q: I'm a 15-year-old girl having problems understanding religion. My family isn't very religious. I believe in God, read the Bible, and would like to be baptized but don't know how to go about it. I know I haven't been the best person in the world. I've made mistakes and do not fully understand or know God's rules and the Commandments, nor go to church; therefore, I have never been to confession. A good friend once told me that you don't need to go to confession to be forgiven by God; all you really need to do is pray for forgiveness. I would like to know if she was right. Also, how I can make arrangements to be baptized? A: Your friend was almost right on target: Because of Jesus' death on the cross, your sins are already forgiven! In confessing to God trusting that your debt is already canceled, this forgiveness is yours. Confession of sins---to God and to a pastor who understands how to hear and to answer---is a prayer for forgiveness, since you admit that you have done wrong in God's eyes and need him to blot out what you have done. Your letter is a confession. Confession to a pastor is not absolutely necessary. However, it's comforting to hear God's Word spoken by a flesh-and-blood person. It can make the Word more concrete while reminding you that Christ came in flesh and blood to take your sins upon himself. Those God calls into the Office of the Ministry are called to forgive in God's Name and are made instruments of God's forgiveness won by Christ. Privately confessing to a "real" person is more difficult than writing back and forth. Yet in baring your soul before the pastor, you realize even more how "naked" you are before God. The pastor only knows what you reveal to him; God already knows you better than you will ever know yourself. The truth hurts---especially the truth of our sinfulness. However, an even greater Truth heals and brings us peace. That Truth is Jesus Christ, who said of himself, "I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except by Me. (John 14:6)" God has begun teaching you in spite of your family background. Learning more of his saving Word and receiving Baptism will bring you comfort and peace. You'll come to know the commands of God better, yet will not be bound by them, for you will live in the freedom of Christ's forgiveness. However, you will desire to keep them in loving response for what God has done. If you can get your family involved, or at least get their permission, please do so. If not, be honest with them about your desire to be a baptized Christian. That's it for now. You can submit questions by mail to "Ask the Pastor," PO Box 1080, Jasper, Texas, 75951; E-mail xrysostom@aol.com; or just stop me on the street. Walter Snyder is the pastor of St. Paul and Faith Lutheran Churches in Jasper and Woodville, Texas and coauthor of the book "What Do Lutherans Believe? A Study Guide in Christian Teachings for Adults." Copyright (c) 1999 by Walter P. Snyder Permission is granted by author to reproduce or retransmit this by any means, provided that its content is not altered, that this notice of copyright and permission is included, and that no financial gain is realized.