<> Ask the Pastor The Rev'd Walter Snyder Q: My husband and I both work and do not have any children. After much thought and discussion (and several years of marriage) he had a vasectomy. We were basically told that our church is not the place for us, that women should be in the home, not in the workplace, and that any type of contraception was forbidden. This was very upsetting to us. What is your church's [i.e., The Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod] stance on 1) women in the workplace and 2) voluntary contraception? A: Your letter underscores the differences churches have in understanding marriage, sex, and religion. Some are ardent supporters of the notion that anything one does with his or her body is none of that church's business. Others have rules (or at least strong suggestions) about much that your body is capable of doing. The whole of the marriage relationship--a large topic, indeed-- is involved with your questions. Since you ask specifically about us Lutherans, I'll try to stay with our doctrines, without comparing to others. Officially, we have no teaching as to a woman's exact place in the work force. While we take seriously God's Word and teach that men and women have divinely ordered roles in church, family, and society, we do not teach that a woman cannot or should not work outside the home. Actually, the idea of the "stay-at-home-mom" is a somewhat recent invention. While in the Bible most women did spend much or most of their time in and around their houses, they did not always spend the whole day watching over and teaching the children. In fact, much of the formal in-home teaching was commanded (by God!) to be the fathers' work. Depending on where they lived, their economic standing, the season of the year, and much more, women might be involved in strictly domestic activities or they might have been active in the family business. Consider, for example, the wife who is praised in Proverbs 31. This is not the picture of someone who's been forced to stay at home. She takes the talents and wisdom God has given her and applies it to business as well as to home economics and family concerns. Both ardent feminists and staunch "traditionalists" can identify with at least part of this Scripture passage. This woman is strong, intelligent, and boldly pursues her business ventures. This woman also works hard to support, maintain, and build up her husband and family. The second part of your question will stir up even more controversy in many circles. Some will say, "That's none of my church's business!" Others believe that their church has both the right and the duty to speak to such matters. We Lutherans take somewhat a middle ground. Children are a blessing from the Lord; bearing and raising them is an honor. However, we don't teach that having children is the sole reason to marry or to have sex. In Ephesians, Paul tells of the witness that a Christian marriage gives to the world. It is an example of the way Christ (the husband) and his bride the Church (the wife) interact. This reminds us that our primary relationship is with our Savior, then, if married, with our spouses. Sometimes we realize that having children would not be a good thing. I'm not saying that it would be an economically uncomfortable thing, nor a difficult thing which would demand much of our time and attention for years upon end. Refraining from having children for such reasons is self-centered and greedy. It often happens because people don't seriously trust God's promises to provide all we need. However, there are some who are not good parents, or who seriously doubt their abilities. Others are strongly inclined to devote much of their talents and treasure to service in areas other than child-rearing. Still others want to have children, but want to make sure that they are a bit more ready. We (Lutherans) haven't set a strict formula in place because a) we cannot find one in Scripture and b) each situation is individual and needs to be decided based upon that couple's relationship with each other and with God. Thus, we generally have decided that what might be fine for one couple may be wrong for another because their reasons for practicing birth control are often quite different. If people decide that they've been selfish in resisting the opportunity to have children, I urge them to receive the fullness of God's forgiveness and ask him then to change their hearts. No Scripture can convince me that even permanent sterilization for self-centered reasons is an "unforgivable sin." I also would remind those who've decided to use birth control to avoid passing on abusive behavior, or who've dedicated themselves to lives of service in other areas not to dwell on what they've given up. Instead, I thank God for what they're able to do in service to him and to other people. That's it for now. You can submit questions by mail to "Ask the Pastor," PO Box 1080, Jasper, Texas, 75951; E-mail xrysostom@aol.com; or just stop me on the street. Walter Snyder is the pastor of St. Paul and Faith Lutheran Churches in Jasper and Woodville and coauthor of the book "What Do Lutherans Believe? A Study Guide in Christian Teachings for Adults." Copyright (c) 1998 by Walter P. Snyder Permission is granted by author to reproduce or retransmit this by any means, provided that its content is not altered, that this notice of copyright and permission is included, and that no financial gain is realized.