<> Ask the Pastor The Rev. Walter Snyder. Q: I was discussing Proverbs 22:6. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." The others believe that if the child ever rebels, even when he is grown, then the parents obviously did not raise their child right. They back this up with a verse in the NT about pastors having their families under control (sorry - don't remember the reference). A: The Scriptures speak of children in many ways. They are "a blessing from the Lord." Parents are told to do certain things with them, and children are commanded to also obey. Parents who know little Scripture may remember "honor your father and mother," but forget "do not provoke your children to anger." Pastors are especially commanded to maintain domestic order in Paul's letters to Timothy and Titus. Children depart from their parents' ways. Lot's daughters got him drunk and had sex with him, since their husbands (and their hopes for children) had been lost in Sodom. Genesis 19:36-38 says: "Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father. And the firstborn bore a son ... he is the father of the Moabites to this day. And as for the younger, she also bore a son ... he is the father of the sons of Ammon to this day." The Ammonites and the Moabites both became enemies of their cousin Israel's descendants. The story of Joseph and his brothers shows how jealousies and wickedness can grow - even though the parents may have not neglected or mistaught their children in any way. In 1 Samuel 3:12-13, the Lord punishes a priest for spiritual neglect of his sons: "'In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house.... [H]is sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them.'" Eli knew better, yet didn't follow through. He and his sons paid with their lives. Psalm 34:11 says: "Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord." The same David who composed this Psalm had a son who rejected his father's teaching and tried to kill his father, but the Lord seemingly didn't hold David accountable for Absalom. Perhaps it is because David did what he could (and the texts do show him "going the extra mile"). Something may be taught but not learned. Proverbs 29:15f says: "The rod and reproof give wisdom.... Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul." This isn't to be abusive, for a few verses later, we find how gentleness works: "He who pampers his slave from childhood will in the end find him to be a son." Ultimately, we judge our parenthood by that of our heavenly Father. Can He who made us perfect, who worked throughout Scripture and history to bring back His erring children, who sacrificed His only perfect Child, be blamed for our sinfulness? Many children are raised well but still find ways to undo all their parents teach and model. Yet how often is it that some kernel of the lesson learned remains buried deep inside, to finally begin to sprout and grow when life is at its bleakest? A pastor I know often reminds people that the Proverb states, "when they are old," and not "while they are growing up." Sometimes the teaching takes an awfully long time to sink in. Consider the Prodigal Son (and, of course, his Loving Father). The boy "came to his senses" as he sat among the swine. He'd been raised well, and he recalled from his poverty how nicely his father treated even the help. To be a slave in his father's house was better than roaming free where he was. And as much as that father lamented the loss of his son, he celebrated even more the son's return. Remembering that this is a parable of the Kingdom of God, we marvel: "How much more does the heavenly Father celebrate?" We are the Father's willing co-conspirators in raising our children. We teach them God's Word and live Christian lives for them to copy. Sometimes the influences of life are too much, and they fall. Sadly, the fall is sometimes fatal - even to an eternal degree. Yet often the fall brings them to their senses. They begin to realize that God and their parents were right - and, even more, that they were (and are) loving. There's no excuse for poor child rearing on our part. Still, Scripture places our confidence in our forgiving Father, who rescues our failed efforts, redeems our errors, and restores our wayward youth. That's it for now. Remember to "Ask the Pastor" at P.O. Box 1080, Jasper, Texas, 75951 or via the Internet through xrysostom@aol.com. You can also stop me on the street for a chat. Walter Snyder is the pastor of St. Paul and Faith Lutheran Churches, Jasper and Woodville, Texas, and coauthor of "What Do Lutherans Believe? A Study Guide in Christian Teachings for Adults." Copyright (c) 1996 by Walter P. Snyder Permission is granted by author to reproduce or retransmit this by any means, provided that its content is not altered, that this notice of copyright and permission is included, and that no financial gain is realized.